Why do we think that having more makes us happier?
For you business folks out there, you’re probably thinking of the law of diminishing marginal returns.
College professors may take a full hour explaining this concept, but it’s actually pretty simple.
Step 1. Go to your grocery store and buy a cheesecake.
Step 2. Eat a slice then Write down how you feel.
Step 3. Eat another slice. Write down how you feel.
Step 4. Eat a third slice. Write down how you feel.
Step 5. Eat a fourth slice. Write down how you feel.
Pretty soon you’ll understand the law of diminishing marginal returns.
More makes us happier at low quantities, sure, but eventually each additional unit adds less happiness until we even reach negative marginal returns.
Meaning, by the time you hit that 3rd slice of cheesecake, you actually start to feel worse with each additional slice.
And by slice 6, you feel worse than before you even started eating that first slice.
I can’t really tell you if this law works with money, as I’m not wealthy enough to know. But there are tons of other people who can.
And who do.
I can however tell you this concept works with things.
I can tell you this concept works with friendships.
I can also tell you this concept works with alcohol. With sweets. With caffeine. With exercise. With work. With free time.
So this seems pretty obvious right?
More doesn’t necessarily make us happier?
In fact, at certain levels, it can actually take away our happiness?
So this coming holiday season, pay attention.
Have the courage to ask yourself why you are buying a gift for your third cousin.
Why you feel like you need to spend $100 on your Aunt’s gift.
The sad thing is, most people would say they don’t love their job.
Yet, our behavior dictates otherwise.
Our behavior dictates otherwise because we behave in ways that reinforce our dependence on our job.
We buy things we can’t afford. Like cars, houses, and electronics. Which makes us more dependent on our job.
We buy things we don’t need. Like a new watch or hand bag. Which makes us more dependent on our jobs.
We buy things for other people that they don’t actually want. Like that cashmere sweater from J Crew. Which makes us more dependent on our jobs.
We say, “Oh, I’d love to do that for a living, but there’s not enough money in it.”
“I’d love to write for a living, but I have to pay my bills.”
“I would love to be a fishing guide, but I have a family to support.”
B.S.
I fall victim to this too. So don’t think I’m throwing shade.
I feel pressure to date people right now because everyone my age (26) is either married or dating someone.
So I give in.
I date people I would never want to spend the rest of my life with.
I date people who I’m really not even that attracted to.
I date people that I don’t have anything in common with. Except for our parents work out at the same gym.
That’s enough to justify a date, right?
Wrong.
Seth, come on. It’s just a few dates.
You’re right, but it’s also a few hundred bucks, making me more dependent on a job that I don’t love.
It’s also quite a few hours (each date) leaving me less time to do the things that I actually like doing.
Like using different combinations of 26 characters to try to put into words what the Adderrall snorting monkey inside my head is constantly working on and thinking about.
[Facepalm]
It sucks realizing you’re just as much victim to the problem as everyone else.
Just in different ways.
I might have squashed out the pressure to buy things to show people that I love them.
But I haven’t quite squashed out the social pressure to date people I’m not interested in.
Both require money, sending us further into the life of working on things we don’t care about.
Both require time, time we can’t spend with the people we actually love and enjoy spending time with. Like grandparents, siblings, and friends.
Time we can’t spend on doing the things we dream about.
For those of you out there that are saying to yourself, “Oh God. Here we go. Another one of those minimalist, hippie, millennials.”
Have you ever really asked yourself if the life you’ve built up to now has been about chasing money and not chasing your dreams?
I’m laughing alone in a coffee shop right now because I’m realizing that I’m not writing this for you.
I’m writing this for me.
Just like successful entrepreneurs often build businesses that scratch their own itch.
I seem to be writing something that I should have read a long, long time ago.
One of my closest friends wanted to be an actor growing up. And he has the looks and the talent to do it.
But he went to college because that’s what he felt like he was suppose to do.
It’s what his parent’s did. What his brother did. What his friends were doing. It was a no-brainer! “Come on! Everyone’s doing it!”
He ended up going to 7 different colleges and taking 6 years to graduate.
Because he was doing something he felt like he was suppose to do.
Instead of packing up his car and driving to LA, he drove to Kansas and attended university.
6 years and $45,000 of debt later, he got his degree and started to ask himself how he was going to pay for that big 45.
Sorry, I’m confused. Where does acting fall into this story?
Well,
***SPOILER ALERT***
It doesn’t.
Now he has a pretty great job that he hates.
And he tells himself, “One day I’ll be able to go after my dream.”
I just have to pay off my student debt.
Then save up for my first house.
If you aren’t freaked out reading this because you think I’m talking about you, then it’s likely you think I’m talking about your brother, friend, parents.
No one’s perfect.
I’m sure as heck not.
If I wasn’t victim to this, then I wouldn’t be able to write about it.
If I wasn’t victim to this, I’d be living in a trailer at the base of Kirkwood skiing every day from December 1st to May 1st.
What kind of world would we be living in if everyone spent their 40 working hours on things they actually cared about?
Things they have been given a gift and passion to pursue?
Things they feel inspired to do?
We all complain about how broken the system is, yet we reinforce it every day.
We keep eating foods that make us hungrier.
And make us spend more money on food.
Further increasing our dependence on our job.
If we do that long enough, we eventually have to go to the doctor, get on medications, then start paying those medical and pharmacy bills.
Further increasing our dependence on our job.
We keep buying things in an attempt to make us happier because we hate our jobs and can’t wait for Friday at 5:00 PM.
Making us spend more money on things.
Further increasing our dependence on our job.
We keep spending money on escape vacations trying to cope with the job we hate.
Making us spend more money on experiences.
Further increasing our dependence on our job.
We keep spending money on dates with people we aren’t interested in.
Making us spend more money on dates.
Further increasing our dependence on our job.
Oh, yeah, that’s just me.
Could a good life mean living simply and pursuing only the things we are curious about?
Gifted to do?
Dream about?
I really don’t know.
It seems like it works for some people.
It’s something I’ve been curious about.
It’s something I want to try.
As I sit here, 3 hours into a writing session on a Sunday morning, I can’t help but ask myself why I haven’t tried to make a living doing this.
Doing something I do in my free time?
Something I don’t get paid to do but do anyway.
Instead, I find myself cold calling hospices trying to get them to come to an event.
Go ahead and take a guess at whether or not that’s something that I dream about.
Oh, and nightmares don’t count.
I often ask people, “If you were given 10 Million dollars today and were immediately fired from your current job, what would you do?”
What’s your answer to that question?
They say we should be doing the things we’d be happy doing even if we never made a dollar doing them.
Terribly worded.
But you get the point.
What would you do if you didn’t need the money?
They say the money follows.
I’ll keep you posted on whether that one is true or not.
I keep having to ask myself when I’ll stop doing things that I don’t want to do in an attempt to please other people.
When I’ll have the courage to be a little different than the person sitting next to me.
Will I live a life doing things that I don’t want to do so I can pay for the things that I don’t want to buy thinking they’ll bring me the happiness that I think I can’t achieve otherwise?
The big house, nice car, fancy dinners, exotic vacations will all only exacerbate your problem and dependence on the job you don’t love.
When will we stop throwing money and possessions at a problem that clearly isn’t being solved by more money and more possessions?
The person that says, “Oh everything’s gonna be just fine! Don’t worry!” and the person that says, “Oh it’s hopeless, we are all doomed! Nothing can be done!” are actually no different because in both cases nothing happens.