There will come a day.
When you’re sitting at a table with your closest friends.
You’ll have grey hair.
You’ll have seen a lot.
Experienced a ton.
You’ll have made it over the hump in life.
The older we get in life, the more we communicate through stories.
Have you ever had one of those crazy uncles who has a story for every situation in life?
I do.
And he’s awesome.
(Hey Nick!)
As I write this, I’m sitting next to a table of 8 people in their late 60’s.
They are laughing.
They are happy.
They are bundled up because it’s 32 degrees outside.
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
BOOM.
This is the question that jumped through the ether of white noise in this coffee shop and jolted into my ear drum like someone was whispering it into my ear.
What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
The interesting part of this story is not what was asked, but rather what was not asked.
Do you wake up every day and ask yourself, “What’s something crazy I can do today?”
No you don’t.
I don’t.
No one does.
Instead, the conversation with ourselves looks more like:
How can I survive today?
How can I make more money?
How can I get a promotion?
What will I eat for lunch today?
Dang, It’s gonna be a cold one today.
So why are we asking each other, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
A question we seldom ask ourselves or really seem to value in life.
It’s funny that a life that seems to prioritize safety and consistency doesn’t quite make the coffee chat with our friends when we are 65.
If this story so far doesn’t scare the crap out of you, you’re probably not paying any attention.
It scares the crap out of me and I’m 26 getting ready to go on a 3 month road trip.
Do you want to be the person who says, “I haven’t really done anything that crazy”?
Because someone just said that.
They said that exact thing.
A man sitting right behind me.
“I haven’t really done anything that crazy. Hahaha.”
Yeah, I’d need to laugh off the awkwardness of making that statement as well.
Crazy is different for everyone.
Some jump out of planes.
Some go to graduate school.
Some quit their job and strike out on their own.
Some marry their best friend.
Some pack everything up and move to a new country for a new life.
Some go backpacking through southeast Asia.
Some write a book.
Some write a movie.
Some move to LA and try to make it in Hollywood.
What is it that’s keeping us from having a truly stellar answer to this coffee chat question: What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Fear.
We all have a relationship with it.
And it’s our relationship with fear that dictates how we answer the question:
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
Yep, fear.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
F
E
A
R
Fear is what keeps us from taking that once in a lifetime trip with our best friend after college.
Fear is what keeps us from sending in that application to the company that isn’t hiring.
Fear is what keeps us from promoting our creative work for fear that our business colleagues will mock us.
Fear is what keeps us from approaching that girl in the coffee shop and asking her what she’s reading.
Fear is what keeps us up at night worrying about our finances.
Worrying about our health.
Worrying about our jobs.
Now I know I’m making Fear out to be a really bad person!
But that’s not my intention.
He’s actually a super dependable guy.
So all you ladies out there that can’t ever seem to find the right guy, listen up!
Single people think they are alone all the time.
Truth is, fear is always in the room with you.
Married people think they’re going to spend the rest of their life with one person.
Don’t forget fear.
He’s coming along for the ride too.
Now as I mentioned, everyone’s relationship with fear is different, but no one can ditch fear permanently.
You can’t outrun him.
You can’t pay him off.
In fact, the more money you have, the more it seems like fear sleeps a little closer to you at night.
Fear is quite clingy.
Like that kid at recess that seems to just follow you around with a big smile on their face.
They’re just looking for a friend!
Don’t be rude!
But fear is also somewhat relative.
People in the developing world are afraid of different things than people in the developed world.
The funny thing is, we here in America will always find things to be afraid of, yet we are really playing in a room with padded walls, floor, and ceiling.
Go on a crazy adventure in a different country and come back to your normal life.
Your relationship with fear will be a little different, if not a lot different.
So what’s my point here?
My point here is simple:
Do you really want to be that person at the coffee shop with your friends racking your mind to come up with the craziest thing you’ve ever done and coming up empty?
Why is fear on my mind?
Well, I got to hang out with him a little bit last night.
You see, I’ve been interested in getting to know a female acquaintance a little bit better recently.
I decided to reach out to her and ask her to coffee.
2 days went by.
Then, I finally sat down to do it.
(Thank you liquid courage and time sensitivity.)
I pulled out my phone and opened up an Instagram direct message window.
(Insert dramatic pause here)
You see, I thought I was alone last night watching Netflix, drinking a glass of red.
But I wasn’t alone.
No. No. No.
Remember our friend Fear?
Yeah, as soon as that Instagram direct message box came open, I felt Mr. Fear come sit down on the floor next to me.
He even had the audacity to pat me on the back and say, “You sure you want to do this?”
It’s real.
You feel dead inside and want to feel alive?
Do something that scares you.
Fear will remind you that you are, in fact, very alive.
Anyway, so last night, Mr. Fear and I sat down to reach out to a gal and ask her for coffee.
You know how when you are at work and someone is shadowing you?
They’re watching what you do to learn from you?
If you don’t know, then move to a coast or a forward thinking company and it will be a weekly thing for you.
Either way, when people watch me type an email, my error rate goes from 5% to 30%.
It literally looks like I don’t know how to type.
All I’m thinking about is what the person watching me is thinking about.
“Man, this guy is slow.”
“Woah, he’s making a lot of errors.”
“Why did they make me shadow this kid. He looks like he has no idea what he’s doing.”
Even that little bit of pressure can make a big difference.
Mr. Fear does the same thing.
He sits there and watches me type this Instagram message.
Every.
Single.
Word.
I end up making a grammatical error every 3rd word and finally get to the end.
It went something like:
“(First Name)! Hello, how are you? I had your number at some point in this life but alas, I no longer do. I could blame it on the minimalism or the complete reset on my contact list when I moved to SF, but it’s probably just easier to go excuse-less on this matter. I was planning on doing a Barnes and Noble stop tomorrow for some book browsing and a coffee and wanted to see if you’d be up to join me? I was thinking about going in the afternoon around 3. Do you have any interest?”
Is it the best I’ve ever done, people?
Goodness, I hope not. But, maybe.
Either way, it’s what I went with.
Were there a few versions?
Yes, I started from scratch 3x.
Mr. Fear kept giving me really well-thought-out excuses on why I needed to start all over!
He really is an excellent editor and visionary.
He paints such clear pictures on how the reader will perceive my message.
“Oh, yeah she’s not gonna like this.”
“Woah, you sound a little creepy there Seth, are you sure you want to send this?”
“She’s not gonna understand that word, you might want to rethink that sentence.”
“Just send this tomorrow! You’ve had a long day!”
“Seth, it’s getting late, she’s gonna think your weird for messaging her now!”
Mr. Fear is a smart guy.
And he has our best interest in mind, right?
I mean, maybe.
He does keep us alive.
But then again, that depends on what it means to “be alive.”
I guess that begs the question, “What does it mean to be alive?”
Honestly, I don’t know the answer.
Do you?
But if we make it to the end of this life without an answer to the question, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
Have we really ever lived?